How to Fire Your Fear & Take Your Power Back

In life, even a boss gets kicked down by life too. This is especially felt this COVID year where 2020 turned out a lot different from what we thought it would. With what seems to be the longest year, we’re now down to the final month. In this episode, Stefanie Peters goes solo and bares her heart with us, veering away from the usual fired up self and speaking to that boss who has been shaken to the core, feels disillusioned and disheartened, but still ready to get back up. If you fit the image, then this one’s for you. Stefanie offers some great advice on how you can take your power back and fire that fear that has been weighing you down. Join her as she shares some powerful things that helped her get herself out of her own way.

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How to Fire Your Fear & Take Your Power Back

I would love to tell you that I am lit up and fired up to do this episode, but if I'm being truly honest, that would be a massive lie. Usually, I am super excited about interviewing powerhouse leaders, entrepreneurs, and extract the gold and all the powerful wisdom, insight and apply those pieces to our business. This is not one of those episodes. I am going to share something that has been on my heart for a long time, but I have not wanted to share it for a number of reasons. It has felt super heavy and there's some shame, guilt, and soul searching of how I allowed this last season to occur. I know that when I share my story, even if it makes a difference in one person's life, it's going to be completely worth it.

Bear with me as I am a little nervous about sharing this. Funny enough, this is an episode called Fire Your Fear and Take Your Power Back. Here I am, firing my fear, walking my talk. Even though I don't want to do this, I know that there are other women and guys out there that can relate to this story. I also want to address the elephant in the room. My guess in 2020 maybe hasn't come super close to where you wanted it to be at the end of 2020. If it has, kudos to you. I would like to take some notes on how you pulled that one-off, but I specifically want to talk to that boss that has maybe got kicked down, maybe shaken to their core, feels disillusioned or disheartened, but is ready to get back up anyways.

Even if you feel weak, you still have that call on your heart and you know that you are living below your potential. You know that there is more inside, but you feel like 2020 has maybe knocked the wind right out of you. If that's you, I want to tell you, I salute you. I see you and I believe in you. I want you to know that this season will not last forever. You will get through this and I promise at the end of this episode, I am going to share some powerful things that helped me to get myself out of my own way. I am going to share a little bit of a backstory so that you can get perspective on my experience of what has happened. I am grateful that I am in such a beautiful mindset again. I am back on track to where God wants me, but if I'm honest, I could not have told you that months ago.

Losing The Lady Boss

This is going to be really raw and put myself out there. If anyone knows me, they know that I like to share all the powerful principles, and I don't like to be vulnerable, but I'm going to do it. I want to bring us back to the last episode that I reported. It was back in January of 2020. That was my last solo episode. I thought that I was on the upward swing that's why I did that episode. Little did I know that was probably a higher moment than I wanted to admit. Maybe that's the best way to say it. There was a long way to go down for me to rebound from that.

To give you a little bit of backstory, I had broken up with my boyfriend at the time. It was a neutral, solid decision, but since the business was going so well to the tune of almost $1 million in less than a year, we decided to not break up the business. Side note, that was the first mistake, not knowing it. I was seeing some massive red flags to get out of this business partnership, but I continued to ignore my gut and justifying it since the business was booming. To let you know, I had never been in a toxic and narcissistic type of relationship because whenever I would see red flags before this whole situation, I would jet.

I would've said, “Bye Felicia, bye Felipe. I'm out.” Since the business was going so well, I ignored all the signs. I kept thinking to myself, “It's going to get better. Don't be so dramatic. It's not that bad.” I even went as far in my mind to tell myself, “This is good for you. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger,” but I was slowly allowing this human to strip away pieces of my self-confidence, my self-worth and unknowingly giving away my power. I remember calling him to get some input on an idea that I had, and he flew off the handle. He shouted at me for over an hour of what a stupid idea it was. How could I think such a thought? I was such an idiot. He went on and on for over an hour.

Why I let him talk to me like that for one hot minute is way beyond me. I'm a lady boss, let's be real, but I did. Since I allowed that to occur, I not only was shaking half the day, I couldn't focus the whole day and I confronted him on it and he didn't have an ounce of remorse. It kept getting worse and worse. I even remember calling him up to get some feedback on my book because I was super excited about it. I won't even tell you how he sliced and diced me, but I allowed his comments to get so deep on the inside of me. I was balling by the end of the conversation. I'm not going to get into the weeds on how different things transpired.

Another example, I remember talking to Mama P, and when she heard the way that things were going down every single time that we'd have a conversation, she confronted me and she said, “I don't know who I'm talking to, but it's not the lady boss.” That's when I started to realize things are off here. I gave up almost all communication with him because it got aggressive. I reached out to a guy to mentor me because this business was a completely new business for me and I needed some mentorship. I told him a little bit about the business. I didn't even tell him much about the details of the behind the scenes of this guy and I, but with the few types of details that I did tell him, he said, “Do you realize you're in a toxic gaslighting relationship?”

Fire Your Fear: Your ego is not your amigo. It is truly your biggest overhead, and it is going to hold you hostage if you aren't self-aware enough to know what you need to do with it.

I didn't even know what gaslighting meant. If you don't know, after this episode, Google it. It will give you a lot more insight into what was going on behind the scenes. I was allowing this human to strip me of my power. I got an email from this man that I wouldn't even send my worst enemy and it hit me like a ton of bricks. It was like the blinders fell off of my eyes after all the verbal abuse and all the crazy that not only I was taking, but a number of the employees were taking. The lady boss inside of me that was buried deep into what he was creating as reality, I couldn't take it anymore. That email was the tipping point. I called up my attorney and said, “I'm done. I don't care how lucrative this thing is. What is the fastest way out of help?” I made that decision back in June of 2020 and trying to dissolve a business where we had made almost $1 million in a short period of time. I would wish that crazy on no one. Taking it a step further, in July of 2020, I get a call from someone that one of my best friends and mentors who took me under his wing at the age of 18 died at the age of 42.

I was in such a bad mental place. Not only did I feel like I was losing who I thought was the love of my life and someone that I was going to marry. Not only do we break up, which was a neutral breakup, but then we dissolve. I made the decision that I said, “No more. We're not doing this.” All the hell broke loose after that, and then losing one of my absolute best friends, I felt isolated. Then there's Corona and all the crazy there where they judge you if you give someone a hug. I was numb. I didn't have any friends or family around me. I shut a lot of people and things out. I didn't even want to feel at that point. I wondered where the lady boss was. Funny enough, my other businesses were running and doing extremely well, but inside, I personally felt lifeless. There were days I didn't even want to get out of bed, but I can tell you in that season, I had some of my biggest God winks in my life at the same time.

That guy that I had asked to mentor me to take me underneath his wing when my former business partner threw me out to the wolves, he not only helped me from a business standpoint but also personally. That was a total incomplete God wink because he had a very similar situation as far as some business partners that he had teamed up with that went south and all hell broke loose. Not only were we able to relate on that level, but his brother committed suicide the year before. He walked me through my massive loss and the hole inside my heart with one of my best friends, Jason. I would love to tell you that I snapped back like a boss overnight. I kept thinking, “When is the lady boss going to come back? Is the lady boss ever going to come back?”

My best advice when going through a situation that you don't feel you can handle is to look up, knowing that it won't always be this way. I questioned so many things, but I gave myself permission to just be. I created the space to just be. Especially as type A personalities, if you're a boss out there, you want to be hitting on all cylinders. We can be intense creatures. If we aren't on our A-game, we start to hate on ourselves, but I gave myself grace in that season to just be, to just trust, and just listen. Not only did my relationship with God get so much stronger, but my heartbeat for women to help them win is at an all-time high. I now can relate to that woman that is having a hard time leaving a toxic relationship.

I understand why people lose pieces of themselves because of the environment that they allow themselves to be in. I truly believe that God allows us to go through some intense seasons so he can get ahold of our hearts, so we can gain perspective back insight. I'm sure with Corona, you've had some massive, maybe paradigm shifts and seeing clearly things that you shoved underneath the rug because life was so busy. Sometimes God allows us to be stopped in our tracks so that he can speak to us and we can listen. Seasons like this open our eyes to what is truly important. If you are out there and you are in a season where you are like, “Good Lord, what is happening?” I want to let you know there is hope.

Three Takeaways To Fire Your Fear And Take Your Power

Here are my three biggest takeaways of how I fired my own fear and took my power back. Number one, make the decision and do it no matter what. Don't look back. It took so much courage. It took grit that I didn't think I had. Ripping off the Band-Aid to dissolve that business was terrifying. What was worse is thinking about what life would be like if I didn't rip the Band-Aid off. Standing still and not making a decision was going to do way more damage than making the leap. I want to challenge you here, what is that one thing that truly is holding you hostage from where you know you need to be, you know where God is calling you to, but you have been holding onto that thing that you know is toxic. It's not good for you, but you're holding onto it because it feels familiar. I want to challenge you to cut off that toxic relationship.

Fire Your Fear: The past is the past. There's nothing that you can do about it, but you can choose to not let it rent space in your head.

Maybe you need to make that pivot in your career. Maybe you need to tell someone how you truly feel regardless of how they are going to take it. Maybe mentally, you need to see a counselor. Maybe you're letting your ego get in the way. I will tell you, I had to check my ego at the door. Your ego is not your amigo. It is truly your biggest overhead, and it is going to hold you hostage if you aren't self-aware enough to know that you need to do that thing. Even I know it's going to feel uncomfortable for the time being when you make that decision and you decide you're not going to look back, but I promise you your future best self is going to thank you for it. I thank myself on a regular basis that I had the lady balls to say, “No, it stops here. This will not happen. I am not going to let anyone or anything ever take my power from me again.” Number one, when you are wanting to fire your fear and take your power back, make the decision, and don't look back.

Number two, forgive yourself, the person, or the situation that you allowed to take your power from you. At first glance, I honestly got ticked off at myself that I allowed this situation to get as messed up as it did. I'm not sharing all the details because Lord knows I don't like it when people are telling all their dirty laundry, but I will say I started to blame my ex-business partner. Two thoughts popped into my head that helped me tremendously. Number one, you deserve the life you tolerate. That sobered me up real quick, but then number two, your perspective will either become your prison or your passport.

One of the things that helped me to get back on track being able to talk to a couple of people in my inner circle about it but also listening to YouTube videos, to shout out pastor Steven Furtick. That quote came from him. I'm going to say it one more time, “Your perspective will either become your prison or your passport.” I want to challenge you to choose wisely. The past is the past. There's nothing that you can do about it, but you can choose to not let it rent space in your head. Also, harboring unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. I needed to bless and release that situation. I even wrote in my prayer journal asking God for forgiveness, blessing, and releasing the situation and all parties involved. Whenever a thought would pop up in my head, I would even say it out loud. Call me crazy, but I would say, “That's in the past and that's where that's going to stay. I am no longer available for that person or that situation. I'm not giving anyone or anything access to my power.”

Number three, remember you've got the goods. Sometimes when we get deep into a situation, we forget how valuable we are. We forget how powerful we are when we own our truth, when we own who we are, and when we own our mission. When we start to lose ourselves, that is great to come back to. It can be difficult when we get to the point where we're like, “I don't know.” We start to second guess ourselves. We need to go back and affirm ourselves that we’ve got the goods because the one that lives inside of us is much more powerful than anything going on on the outside. You have been created by the creator of the universe and he has put so much greatness inside of you. Here's the truth. The enemy wouldn't be attacking you hard if there wasn't something valuable inside.

Thieves don't break into empty houses. I know that God made you do hard things. God wouldn't have allowed this to happen unless he had a purpose behind it. My challenge is, don't just go through it, grow through it. After all that crazy ended, I wrote myself a mantra in 2020 on a sticky note, and it says, “I am no longer available for fake people, fake news, toxic products or relationships. What I am available for is alignment, recalibrating, rising above to my ultimate calling, and showing up as my higher self to make the impact I am called to and be the miracle my tribe is praying for.”

Fire Your Fear Mastermind

On a side note, I was nervous about sharing this, even with you here and sharing this at a keynote that I flew out to do in Tulsa, Oklahoma in September of 2020. I didn't have a fluid keynote. I tripped over my words in a couple of different examples, but I had more women come up to me afterward and open up about what they had experienced and how they related to some of my different stories that I shared there. They told me, “Those different stories that you shared with us, those helped me tremendously. I now know that next step to take.”

I want to encourage you guys that this season that you're in will not always be the season that you're going to be in. I look back on that situation and I believe the reason I was able to rebound as quickly as I was. It wasn't overnight, but it was because of the tribe that is around me and I have a solid foundation in God. I've created multiple streams of residual income. I built a seven-figure business online and two six-figure businesses. What's crazy is I dug my well before I was thirsty. I didn't have to worry about finances for a hot minute.

I'm finding, especially in talking with more women about this. The reason that they don't leave a toxic relationship a lot of times is because of finances. I want to change that. I have been feeling strongly that I need to put my story out there to help that lady boss that is stepping back in fear, that is letting someone else or a situation, keep her power from her. If that is you, I want to let you know that I am in your corner. I felt so-called to create a tribe and an infrastructure to help that woman take her power back and fire her fear. That is why I decided to launch the Fire Your Fear Mastermind in January to empower you, to grab the pen and write your own story, to fire your fear, build your faith, and become the boss of your own life.

I bounce this off of one of the women in my tribe that she had gone through something similar to me. She says, “I am in. There have been some different things that I have been put on my heart of things that I wanted to do, but life has gotten so busy.” I know that this is going to be the space and the place to help you to rise up to your true potential. I will be teaching you how to create multiple streams of income revolving around your passion zones. I am going to help guide you to build your business that is in alignment with your purpose and also profits. Let's say it's been on your heart forever to write that book, start that podcast, launch that course, or even master your mindset to set you up for success. Maybe you're like, “My tribe is not exactly supporting me. Those people in my inner circle are not bringing me to that next level in my life.”

If you want to be a part of this mastermind to rub shoulders with like-minded lady bosses that want to do more, be more and live out their full potential, I invite you to join us. If you're in a funk, I want to ask you, what are you doing to break out? Let's say you don't even exactly know what you want to do, but what are you doing to move towards clarity so you know what you'll ultimately want to do? God can't drive a parked car. My dad has always taught me, “Go right, go left, go forward, and go backward. Make a move because when you go into action, that hears all fear and he will show you that next step.”

I know sometimes when I felt unclear in seasons in my business, the thing that catapulted me to get back on track is when I got in the room with purpose-driven leaders. The energy and the inspiration in those rooms truly are infectious. I am setting up a safe place for accountability, goal setting, and collaborating. Bottom line, it's going to be a motivating environment. There are going to be four Zooms that we are going to be holding online. There's going to be one in-person event where we are going to have so much fun at my Airbnb in Florida. If you can't even fly out there, we're going to do everything via Zoom so you won't skip a beat. My question to you is, what are you going to do in order to get you to the place where you ultimately want to go?

My guess is you have some big goals. You have some big dreams, or maybe you're at that spot where you don't exactly know want to do, but you know that you don't want to stay here. Maybe 2020 hasn't gone ideal for you. I want to help to show you what is possible. When you are in business for yourself, it can feel like an island, but it doesn't have to. Here's the deal. Your life can be in a completely different place several months from now. I'm a complete example of that. Thank the Lord, but you need to put yourself in an environment to get there. I feel fortunate that even though I allowed some crazy to occur in 2020, my environment pulled the greatness back out of me.

Shout out to Jeremy, Bethany, Mama P, and a handful of people in my inner circle. You know who you are. I want to say thank you. Even when I felt like I lost my way, they helped me get back on track and that's my heartbeat here. I want to help you get back on track. I don't think I ever fell off the train like I did this last season, but I will tell you, no more shame, no more guilt. I'm not letting the enemy rent space in my head. I want to challenge you to join me. Even if this mastermind isn't for you, I want you to join me in living out your full potential. The truth is when you have your five closest friends, if they're broke, you're going to be the sixth. If your five closest friends are wealthy, you're going to be the sixth. The last one is if your five closest friends are pursuing their God-sized dreams, then you can't help but pursue yours.

Show me your friends and I'll show you your future. That's been told to me many times so here's my heart for you. Regardless of if you join my mastermind, create your own, you join someone else's, make sure you're setting yourself and your tribe up to win in 2021. Not only in business, but in life. My guess is in 2020 has been one of the most character-building years of your life. Join the club, mine too, but here's what I know. If you want to change your life, you've got to change your mindset and your inner circle. Surround yourself with the light bringers, the magic makers, and the game-changers. They don't let you play small with your life. Here's my challenge, I dare you to fire your fear, build your faith, and become the boss of your own life.

I salute you. If you're in a season that you don't want to be in, know that this too shall pass, but you’ve got to take the right step. Make the decision that 2021 is going to be different than 2020. I would love to hear your story. I would love to support you. I would love to be praying for you. Send me an Instagram message @LadyBoss_SP if there's something that resonated with you. I would love to hear your feedback. I would love to hear your story and support you in whatever way I can. I know this was not normal, “Power. Let's get it done. Let's make it happen.”

It has a different vibe, but I wanted to share my heartbeat and what has been going on behind the scenes. I got out of a lot of this crazy in the September 2020 timeframe. I wanted to let a little bit of time pass so that I could be able to heal from it and share from a point of helping you versus sharing the emotions of everything that was going on behind the scenes. I pray that this helped you. I pray that this resonates with you. Know that I'm in your corner. I see you. I'm cheering you on all the way to your God-sized dreams. Let's get after it. Be blessed.